If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
