life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
