Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
