Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
