we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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