it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
