i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
