He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
