i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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