an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
