Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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