What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
