i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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