i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
