Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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