Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
