I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We don't watch enough power rangers
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
