there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
