i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
