apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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