Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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