when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
