she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
