I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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