Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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