I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
