just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
