Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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