im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have post one night stand depression
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
