i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
