I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
