For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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