Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
