I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will be naked everywhere
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
