Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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