i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
