I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
