last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
