Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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