your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I intend to get homeless drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
