The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
