that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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