She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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