So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
