How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's paint friendship bongs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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