My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
