i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
