You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
