Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?

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(214): View more from Texas

How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink

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(647): View more from Ontario

so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.

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(702): View more from Nevada

My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?

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(817): View more from Texas

I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.

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