4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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