I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
