i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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